Avoiding the Blog

I have been avoiding posting on the blog anything but trivial photos. Perhaps I am afraid I will lie on it. Everything has become more difficult since this show became a one man show.

I am nervous about tonight. I honestly don't know how the performance will go, how to perform, I'm not 100% certain of my lines and my direction, and I hope I will be brave enough or I fear the results.

I know certain things about my performance tonight. I will lose my way at some point. At some point the reality of what I'm doing will become overwhelming and my brain will seize up. I will stumble over lines. I will probably perform whole sections badly.

All of this is consequence for my decision to go on stage.If these events do not occur, I am not telling the truth.



I have found some Truth lately in Artaud. Here are some of his statements.

"No one has ever written, painted, sculpted, modeled, built, or invented except literally to get out of hell

"And what is an authentic madman? It is a man who preferred to become mad, in the socially accepted sense of the word, rather than forfeit a certain superior idea of human honor. So society has strangled in its asylums all those it wanted to get rid of or protect itself from, because they refused to become its accomplices in certain great nastinesses. For a madman is also a man whom society did not want to hear and whom it wanted to prevent from uttering certain intolerable truths.
Van Gogh, the Man Suicided by Society (1947)

"If I commit suicide, it will not be to destroy myself but to put myself back together again. Suicide will be for me only one means of violently reconquering myself, of brutally invading my being, of anticipating the unpredictable approaches of God. By suicide, I reintroduce my design in nature, I shall for the first time give things the shape of my will.
“On Suicide,” no. 1, Le Disque Vert (1925)

Tonight I perhaps commit theatrical suicide.

Wish me luck!

Richard